Control and the Lack Thereof

I don't consider myself a control freak.  I tend to go with the flow, be spontaneous, and enjoy the waves of life.

I would, however, consider myself a lack of control freak.

I've noticed over the years that when outside forces begin to dictate a large part of my life - school, work, family obligations, etc - my first reaction is to grab onto what little area I can control and squeeze it harder than Lenny held those precious bunnies.  (Yes, I'm a literature nerd.)

Unfortunately, I don't tend to control those precious choices well.  I would love to say that I form the available 'me time' into 'healthy time,' filled with workouts, healthy food and plenty of sleep. Instead I find myself canceling workouts through half asleep texts and going back to sleep.  I stay up too late, watch way too much Hulu and Netflix and neglect the things I really enjoy - friends, reading, blogging, photography, etc.

Life is, and has been, busy.  I'm essentially working 2 full time jobs, traveling for both work and family often, and still involved with many community projects outside of work.  There are many elements in my day-to-day life that I cannot control.  I have specific hours I have to be somewhere other than home, specific tasks that have to be accomplished that do not include my own errands, and specific people I have to coordinate every little detail with.  Don't get me wrong, I love my life and what I do.  I enjoy both jobs (for the most part) immensely, and I'm absolutely over the moon at the opportunity to see my family more often.

But.
It's.  Hard.

I woke up this morning extremely disappointed to see that I had overslept and missed an opportunity to see a friend of mine and go for a walk.  Apparently I had woken up to my alarm and sent her a text canceling.  I honestly don't remember doing it.  That both worries me and irritates me.  The kicker is that I told her I had "one too many glasses of wine last night."  Umm, I only had ONE glass of wine last night, and I didn't even finish it.
My subconscious is sabotaging me.

I don't want this post to be a total downer, but I did want to vent my frustrations.

Moving forward I want to focus on all the healthy and great things I could do with my free time.  I can exercise, visit with friends, blog, hike, go for a drive, visit the coast, prepare meals for the week....

I'm determined to channel this energy into something healthy.

Spring - Inside and Out

Spring is in full swing here in the Pacific Northwest.

The flowers, they are a blooming.  The rain, it is a falling.
And it is all oh, so beautiful.

I can't help but notice how closely matched my emotions and energy are to the weather around me. During the winter I felt very dormant.  I wanted to be home a lot, didn't have a lot of energy once the sun set, and while I inherently knew that, like the weather, these experiences are cyclical and would pass, it still depressed me.

The past few weeks I've been feeling an inner waking up.  Like some sort of energy and excitement is trying to show itself again.  It comes and goes, but it's made me excited for the immediate future.  I'm looking forward to this summer.  There are some BIG changes coming (sorry, I can't mention specifics just yet) and I'm looking forward to what those changes will bring.

For the past 4 months (ever since my brother's accident) my dad has been texting me and my siblings daily inspirational quotes.  It's been a pretty big blessing to get this dose of positivity from my dad each day, especially because his positivity is a new change for him, and it's a huge blessing to witness it. This morning my dad sent this quote:

"You are the master of your life - you are the master of your mind - you have the power to change the way you think and feel. You have the power in how you choose to achieve your goals, to become the person you want to be, and to live the life of your dreams." -Zlatoslava Petrak

I don't feel like that quote could have come at a more perfect time.

Memorial Day Weekend

This past weekend was the first one home for me in 7 (seven!) weeks!  I've been traveling for work a lot, and spending time with family in between.  It's been amazing, but I was really looking forward to spending some time centered around my home.

The weekend started with my first drink of alcohol in 4 months.  It was perfectly paired with girl talk at Le Happy and a delicious crepe.  The weather was just right for sitting outside.  So heavenly.

Saturday night was a Portland Bloggers social meetup at Pairings PDX.  We enjoyed lots of great conversation, yummy wine and a round or two of Cards Against Humanity.  I hadn't spent time with these ladies in far too long, and it was so good to catch up!

Bee and I found our perfect pairings.  Bee, being The Spicy Bee, found her spicy fix...

And me, being the dork that I am, found my playful side.

Sunday started with the monthly meeting of my "Ladies Who Brunch" book club.  We met up at Screen Door and enjoyed an amazing spread of brunch goodness.  I've enjoyed this monthly tradition so much, and look forward to exploring a new brunch spot in just a few weeks again.

My brunch meal was roasted potatoes and a biscuit with sausage gravy.

HOLY YUMM!

After brunch I took some new head shots for the ladies.  It was the perfect morning to snap a few photos!

Sunday night was a welcomed night in with a good movie and snuggles with Zulu.  

Monday was zoo day with the fam!  We were worried it was going to rain, but the day turned out to be beautiful!  It was sunny with a slight breeze which kept the temperature just right.  This was Emerson's first trip to the zoo, and I think she really enjoyed it!  I know all the adults of the group had fun!

After the zoo we stopped by Starbucks for a quick coffee before we all headed our different directions home again.  Emerson kept us all entertained with her adorableness.  

How was you Memorial Weekend?  Did you BBQ or do anything else fun?

Currently I Am: Happy

Inspired by Jessi's post today, I would like to present to you, ten things that are making me happy today:

• Sunshine
  Don't get me wrong, I love the rain, but every now and then we get a sunshine break in Portland, and it is such a beautiful thing!  There are big fluffy clouds, blue skies, sunshine and green everywhere!

• Music
  I am a music freak.  I love how music makes me feel, and being the dork that's dancing and singing in the car next to you.  When working out there's nothing better than loud hip hop, and when trying to sleep or study, nothing better than some mellow folk.  I've arranged a pretty sic lineup of concerts to attend this summer and fall and I couldn't be more excited about it.

• Coffee
  It has to be in there.  Coffee makes me so happy.  A little joe, a little honey and I'm good to go.

• Blogging
  I'm excited to actually be blogging again, even if it's only a couple here and there.  I'd like to get back in the habit of writing more often.  I've become a little constipated with my thoughts lately, and would like to start writing them down again.

• Home
  I love traveling.  I love to get out and see and experience new things, but I've been doing it a LOT lately, and I'm excited to be home for the next couple of weeks.  There's nothing like sleeping in your own bed, eating off your own dishes, and not living out of a bag.

• The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon
  Every morning I watch the previous night's episode on Hulu while I enjoy a healthy breakfast.  I don't know what it is about Fallon, but his gentle self-deprecating humor, adorable laugh and well delivered monologue just make me so happy.  It doesn't hurt that he has a line up of great guests who aren't afraid to be silly either.

• Chick Lit
  Hi, my name is Macey and I'm addicted to Meg Cabot books.  I can't get enough of the flimsy story lines, relatable (neurotic) characters, and budding romances.

• Brunch
  Seriously.  Any excuse to meet up with friends while enjoying bacon, eggs, coffee and girl talk... bring it on!

• Snap Chat
  Don't judge me.

• The Gym
  I've been bumping up my gym time with lots o' spin, body pump and sauna time.  Love it!

Your turn!  What's making you happy right now?

And Suddenly, It's May 20th

Whoa.
Did anybody else just see May FLY BY?!

I mean seriously, wasn't it May 1st just like an hour ago?
Well here's what's been happening the past 20 days...

I joined Snap Chat (find me ---> Motormouthmacey) and became thoroughly addicted.

Traveled to Boise and had the cutest breakfast date with my favorite munchkin.  I don't what she was most excited for: the swivel barstool, the banana pancakes, or her hot chocolate with 'smarshmellows.' Either way, she pretty excited about it all.

Spent lots of time soaking up the Vitamin D and cuteness.

Had my Mom and Aunt come visit for Mother's Day.  We spent the whole weekend at the coast.  It was sunny, beautiful and the perfect way to spend time with two of my favorite role models.

Dipped my toes in the ocean more than once.

Found the best mask ever.

Got mom what she wanted most for Mother's Day - a Burgerville original cheeseburger and fries.  (Ok, it wasn't really her gift, but she was really, really excited for this nostalgic treat!)

Traveled back to Boise again to spread the good word of TNT Boise starting up again!  I got to see old friends, make new friends, and sign up heroes to help me save lives and end cancer!

Got to pop in and visit my family.  A tradition my niece and I have is taking silly selfies... we can't get enough.  And I mean, isn't that last picture just the most flattering one of me yet?!  I think it should be my online dating profile pic, don't ya think?

Blew a kiss to my favorite guy in Boise.

And hung out with a bubble head.

Goodness it's been a FULL month!  It's been a good one though, for sure!  Life doesn't look to be slowing down anytime soon, but that's fine by me.

How is your May going?  Does it seem to be flying by for you too?

My Second Portland-iversary

Two years ago today I packed my car with all my worldly possessions (minus my bed, that would join me later) and headed out on an adventure.

I had no idea what the future had in store for me.
I didn't know where I would live, where I would work, or if I'd make any friends.
But I did know one thing.
I knew I was ready to challenge myself.  Ready to explore life on my own and ready to push past my comfort zones.

I've been in Portland for 2 years now, and I think I fall more deeply in love with the city (and surrounding areas) every day.