I'm not sure how I want to talk about this on here, but I'm going to want to keep notes I'm sure, so I'm going to do my best.
I've been going to therapy for a few weeks now. I didn't really have any specific reason to go. Mostly I've been feeling some underlying depression and wanted to address it. I wanted to know why I wasn't as happy as I've been in the past.
Why am I not excited about new opportunities and view them more as ways to add stress?
Why do I push aside my own wants and desires to fit the mold that helps others more than myself?
Why do I feel guilt about my health but not address it and fix it?
I haven't found the answers to these questions in the few sessions I've had, but I'm hopeful I will someday. And I'm sure I'll develop more questions along the way. What I have discovered is that I have many more things than I originally thought to work through. Things that I thought I'd long since forgiven, forgotten and moved past are popping up in my sessions.
And I'm not gonna lie, it's wigging me out a bit.
Today we discussed my need to people please. How I swallow my true feelings in order to keep the peace and how I take on other people's problems to solve them. My therapist noted that there is a link between people pleasers and over eating.
I find this fascinating.
I'm going to stop there. I'm not ready to write out any more discoveries or go more in depth with what I've discussed here, but I will eventually, because it's going to be what I need to move forward.