I don't even know where to begin, so I guess I'll just start.
When I first moved to Portland it was a leap of faith, and ironically, so was moving back.
I don't think anyone was more shocked at my decision than myself. Right up until I was pulling into the driveway in Boise, Idaho, I was questioning what I was doing. I felt at peace with everything, but part of me expected to wake up again in SE Portland - just down the road from some of my best friends, and an hour from the coast.
Reality settled in hard over the first few months of the year. Job searching was tough. I've never had trouble finding work before, but the job market had changed drastically in the 4 years I was gone. Not only were jobs hard to come by, but the pay was abysmal. After a few weeks it seemed I would have to figure out how to survive on 50% of the income I was used to.
And before you assume, no, the cost of living is not less in Boise than it was in Portland.
It seems that it should be, but it's not. In fact, in some ways my budget was impacted even more due to sales tax in Idaho. Groceries and gas were hitting me harder than they ever had in Portland.
Luckily my little brother and I were able to help each other out. He and his wife were purchasing their first home at the end of January, but they still had their lease to fulfill for a few months. I was able to move in and keep his landlord happy since someone would be there to watch the property and take care of the utilities, etc. and my brother was able to continue paying the rent - saving my $$ each month while I continued looking for work.
There were a few jobs here and there that I was interested in, but nothing seemed like the right next step.
During all of this I was stressed, but still felt solidly like Boise was where I needed to be. Friends reached out here and there wondering if I was going to move back to Portland, or venture on and try the job market somewhere new altogether. As exciting as a new city seemed though, my heart told me to be patient. That the right job was just around the corner, and that everything would work out.
"Trust God," was what I heard my heart say over and over.
I worked on letting go of the control I thought I had over the situation. I was embarrassed to be in the situation and my ego took a hard hit. I was humbled over a period of 12 weeks and felt, to my core, that the only thing to do was let go.
I had to let go and let God.