Where These 2 Feet Take Me

I'm not sure how I want to talk about this on here, but I'm going to want to keep notes I'm sure, so I'm going to do my best.

I've been going to therapy for a few weeks now. I didn't really have any specific reason to go. Mostly I've been feeling some underlying depression and wanted to address it. I wanted to know why I wasn't as happy as I've been in the past.

Why am I not excited about new opportunities and view them more as ways to add stress?

Why do I push aside my own wants and desires to fit the mold that helps others more than myself?

Why do I feel guilt about my health but not address it and fix it?

I haven't found the answers to these questions in the few sessions I've had, but I'm hopeful I will someday. And I'm sure I'll develop more questions along the way. What I have discovered is that I have many more things than I originally thought to work through. Things that I thought I'd long since forgiven, forgotten and moved past are popping up in my sessions.

And I'm not gonna lie, it's wigging me out a bit.

Today we discussed my need to people please. How I swallow my true feelings in order to keep the peace and how I take on other people's problems to solve them. My therapist noted that there is a link between people pleasers and over eating.

I find this fascinating.

I'm going to stop there. I'm not ready to write out any more discoveries or go more in depth with what I've discussed here, but I will eventually, because it's going to be what I need to move forward.

This weekend I had planned to be enjoying Mt. Hood views, hikes to lakes, campfire conversations and s'mores.

Oh so many s'mores.

However, my plans were derailed a bit by full campsites. Between my cousins and I (and they definitely did the brunt of the checking) we were turned away from nearly 14 campsites because they were full.

Lesson 1: make a reservation

Lesson 2: if it says "first come first served" you will not be the first on a Friday afternoon.

Lesson 3: camping in Oregon is popular

But all was not lost! We ended up leaving the mountain to head northwest. My aunt and uncle have a home in Kelso and we stayed there for the night. My other aunt and uncle were down from Seattle, so we enjoyed an impromptu evening with family, catching up and sharing in recent joys.

Lesson 4: when in doubt, head toward family, they'll always be there for you

The next day we hemmed and hawed about our options. Do we go berry picking? Drive to the beach? Stay in Kelso? We had many great options, but having had our hearts set on camping, we decided to pick the option that most closely matched that and headed to Longbeach, Wa. There's a cabin there that belongs to my cousin's husband's family and it was miraculously available.

Lesson 5: if you think an option won't be available, try anyway, the opportunity may just be there

Lesson 6: the beach is always the best option