Trust In You

It's been a tough year.

I moved, got behind on my finances, was unemployed for 4 months, fell further behind in debt, experienced a rift in close relationships, had family drama. And most recently, lost one of my best friends to her battle with cancer.

Tough.

I sat listening to Pandora this morning while sipping my coffee and a song by Lauren Daigle came on that spoke to my heart. The title is "Trust in You," and I've heard it many, many times. Today though, something seeped in a little deeper.

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

I don't understand the purpose of this year in my life, and luckily I don't have to. God is in control and I'm done fighting for a control I will never have. I turn it over to Him and trust fully it will all be ok in the end.

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings 
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

Toes in the Ocean

Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline,
no matter how many times it’s sent away. 

–Sarah Kay

Life Lately | Barenaked Ladies at Edgefield

There's nothing better than live music. It's raw energy, and raw energy feeds the soul.
-Dhani Jones

Feeling Courageous

Last week I wanted to take the boy I nanny swimming.  After making plans, tracking down his bathing suit and towel and loading up the car, I realized I didn't have my own swimming suit with me.  I casually mentioned it to him and said that I would watch him and his friend swim but wouldn't be able to join them.

What transpired has shifted a perspective for me in a big way.

He offered a pair of his own shorts to me.  I told him while that was a kind thought, I wouldn't fit in his shorts, so that wouldn't work.  "They are one size fits all though," he argued.  I explained that he was a 12 year old boy and his waist size was very different than mine.  "What do you mean," he asked.  I again explained that my waist was larger than his, and so I wouldn't fit into his shorts.  He was still confused and continued arguing that I would fit into his shorts because they are 'stretchy,' but I ended the conversation by suggesting we just swing by my apartment on our way to the river so I could change into my own swimsuit.

This doesn't seem like a very important conversation, I am sure, but it was to me.  I realized that he doesn't see me for a size or shape.  He sees me as the person who takes care of him, loves him and who he loves.   I had assumed he was embarrassed of my size and would prefer me to not be in a bathing suit in front of his friends.
Instead he wanted me to enjoy the afternoon as well, and could care less what my body looks like.

I've decided this means I need to show up and be seen.  Just as I am, without assumption for the viewer.

Spring - Inside and Out

Spring is in full swing here in the Pacific Northwest.

The flowers, they are a blooming.  The rain, it is a falling.
And it is all oh, so beautiful.

I can't help but notice how closely matched my emotions and energy are to the weather around me. During the winter I felt very dormant.  I wanted to be home a lot, didn't have a lot of energy once the sun set, and while I inherently knew that, like the weather, these experiences are cyclical and would pass, it still depressed me.

The past few weeks I've been feeling an inner waking up.  Like some sort of energy and excitement is trying to show itself again.  It comes and goes, but it's made me excited for the immediate future.  I'm looking forward to this summer.  There are some BIG changes coming (sorry, I can't mention specifics just yet) and I'm looking forward to what those changes will bring.

For the past 4 months (ever since my brother's accident) my dad has been texting me and my siblings daily inspirational quotes.  It's been a pretty big blessing to get this dose of positivity from my dad each day, especially because his positivity is a new change for him, and it's a huge blessing to witness it. This morning my dad sent this quote:

"You are the master of your life - you are the master of your mind - you have the power to change the way you think and feel. You have the power in how you choose to achieve your goals, to become the person you want to be, and to live the life of your dreams." -Zlatoslava Petrak

I don't feel like that quote could have come at a more perfect time.

Words to live by Wednesday | [In]Complete Magazine

About 6 months ago I started working an online magazine called [IN]COMPLETE MAGAZINE.  It's something I'd dreamed about doing for quite some time, and during a particular low moment in my life I was looking for something positive to throw myself into.  One thing led to another and the idea for a magazine focused on celebration, positivity and creativity popped into my head.  I couldn't stop thinking about it, and thus [IN]COMPLETE was born.  The site launched at the end of January and it's been a whirlwind ever since.  

There's a few collaborations with fellow writers, photographers and bloggers that I've loved, but my favorite so far has been our collaboration with text illustrator Lindsay Hodson with Hey Normal Day. I had this idea to post a weekly quote.  I wanted something short and memorable, and one that I could tie into the stacks of digital images I had sitting on my desktop.  After seeing Lindsay's work at a local artisans market I knew that her style would fit in with my idea perfectly.  She agreed to supplying one handwritten quote a week for a total of 52 for the year.  "Words to Live by Wednesday" is what we've been calling it, and it's become our most popular day on the site by far.  

I've given her a list of quotes and stack of images to choose from, but I never know which quote and image will be selected for the week.  Tuesday night has quickly become my favorite.  I get to login to dropbox and download the finished image.  It's fun to prep the post for the next morning and spend a little time meditating on the words and the meaning behind them.  

Which one is your favorite?  I think each week the newest one becomes my favorite.  I just love them all.